The Herald. Line: In dating, flattery actually gets you nowhere

By SCOTT SAALMAN

Six years back we logged much more years divorced than hitched. Somehow, the teeter-totter of the time tipped in that way.

Just how can this be? Sixteen years because the Big D? — the withdrawal of this wedding ring? Sixteen years, never remarried? — nowhere near. Jaded, maybe, about matrimony. We hesitate purchasing wedding gift ideas for newlyweds. I’m a believer in breakup gift ideas; that’s whenever one of several two events will absolutely need the toaster.

I’ve dated — but I’ve not dated significantly more than I have actually dated. Second times are difficult to come by — my true genius evidently goes beneath the radar with anyone who has provided a restaurant on the awesome appetizers) with me(I blame it.

Never ever mind the 2nd date. It’s the first date that’s the toughest to nail straight down, this despite having individually “flattered” many females into the previous 16 years. Flattered. There’s nothing I hate a lot more than hearing that word result from feminine lips or seeing it typed by feminine flailing fiery hands.

Example. The scenario that is oft-repeated

Me personally: therefore, could we just take you away for lunch?

Female: Scott, i will be flattered me out that you have asked —

Me personally (instinctively butting in to achieve a foothold): Great! I’ll pick you up at 6. Oh — and do you’ve got a passport.

Seems promising, appropriate? Au contraire mon ami (French for . well . one thing French), with this girl has more to state about them.

Female: Scott, i will be flattered me out, but that you have asked .

Henceforth comes the dreaded big but. But? Exactly what? It does not matter. None associated with the addendums are to my benefit.

Precisely 100 % (but who’s counting?) of this ladies who stated they certainly were “flattered” upon being asked down by me never finished up heading out beside me.

“Flattered” is the kiss of dating death. Females reading my terms at this time are knowingly nodding like bobble-heads on rate and most likely reasoning, “My Jesus, Scott cracked the rule. He’s on to us. We require a word that is new. Must send memo.”

My replacement that is suggested for: sickened. “Scott, i will be sickened me out that you have asked.” Perfect. Why overcome round the bush before beating the person down?

We suspect women use “flattered” as a good solution to set the stage for rejection, a humane method to harm (in essence, making the woman feel much better concerning the turndown, maybe perhaps maybe maybe not the man), a softening associated with the beaches ahead of the big blow to male ego, making some guy feeling like a turd in a tin glass.

An on-line dating girl we came across did consent to satisfy for a glass or two. At our rendezvous, she informed me personally that she had invested the majority of that trip to the funeral house where her mom had been being shown — visiting hours weren’t also over yet — with all the burial slated when it comes to after day. Deal breaker! Hey, I’m a guy that is sensitive however if there’s something we can’t stay, it is a Debbie Downer type. With no, i did son’t ask if she required a night out together for the funeral (and even though possibly she did). I’m perhaps not that hopeless ( maybe maybe perhaps maybe perhaps not so it’s beneath me personally to scan the obituaries for Fresh Widow Meat, which as my hero Dave Barry might mention, is a good name for the rock-band).

I’ve learned a couple of other items about dating when you look at the dark ages caribbean cupid support.

Don’t purchase your gf Mace. Used to do this when, focused on her safety whenever alone. Then, within a stroll, we recommended we split up. Away came the Mace. The Mace hit my face. She clearly didn’t make the news headlines in addition to I’d hoped. It absolutely wasn’t the eye burn that amazed me, it absolutely was the neck burn. The gagging. Most sensible thing though ended up being she sprayed resistant to the wind, which intended most of the spray went back in her eyes and neck. Therefore, together we cried and gagged, and someplace into the insanity that lovers share, we thought: she Maced me personally, she must love me personally. In hindsight, I’m pleased I didn’t purchase her a handgun.

When your date is excited to attend Barnes and Noble to not glance at publications but to drive the escalator, this woman is 1) much too young she was 15 years younger… but legal), or 2) she really needs to get out of Dubois County more for you. We lasted one visit to Barnes and Noble (or 20 trips from the escalator).

Cross country works that are dating it does not. On a few occasions, because of the joys of internet dating (which in Jasper means driving 2 to 3 hours for a romantic date), we have actually driven extremely far for very very very very very first times to simply hear my date let me know during the restaurant dining dining dining table that she is reallyn’t interested in pursuing a long-distance relationship (although not until after she finishes her steak, lobster and million buck martinis).

Attempting to make away on a very first date at a Weird Al concert is wrong on a lot of amounts. Guilty. No date that is second.

Adequate on my guide to dating within the ages that are middle. I’m certain there’ll be much more to report through the trenches. I’m a hopeless intimate having a punching case heart. Now then, if i will just work out how never to flatter somebody once I question them down.